Does Your Soul “Magnify the Lord?” - A Call to Authentic Femininity

One of my Chesterton Academy high school graduates came to me the other day with a fascinating question. While being asked about her education experience, she was put this question: “If you had one point of constructive criticism to provide for the school, what would it be?” Her response deeply convicted me.

“I feel like I received a quality education, but I still left the school with a huge identity question. What does it look like to be a woman in today’s society? There seem to be so many different versions of femininity, even among the saints, and I feel a little lost. This topic wasn’t really addressed enough in any of the classes in my opinion.”

I am paraphrasing of course, but that was in essence her question.

After many months of pondering her feedback, I structured a seminar specifically for this year’s girls at our school. The following article is my best attempt at getting into written words the talk I gave them. After delivering it, I ended the seminar with a suggestion that we continue discussing this topic during a summer book club just for the girls. I was overwhelmed by the response.

As of today’s date, almost every single girl in our school has signed up for it.

So, what is it about this topic that is so captivating and critical for high school age girls? Despite a (albeit, I am biased) VERY solid education, why are there still girls graduating from rigorous Catholic academies, feeling uncertain about their own identity as a woman?

I’m going to posit that the answer is connected to the intimate nature of what it is to be a woman – which is fundamentally something that can only be formed and nurtured in the intimacy of relationships and one-on-one conversations and not in a school setting – but more on that later. First, we need to travel back in time to the Garden and begin where all identity-related questions begin: the moment when the Great Deceiver placed a seed of mistrust in the heart of Woman.

EVE’S TEMPTATION – AND OURS

Without getting into man’s identity too much (a topic, for another article), the story of Genesis chapter 3 prompts a huge question: Where was Adam?

His wife is being seduced by a “serpent” – whose curse, by the way, is to “crawl on his belly,” implying he WASN’T already doing that. Let me rephrase this: Eve is basically being attacked by a dragon and Adam is nowhere to be found. When he does appear, he doesn’t question his wife or lead her out of the weeds she has metaphorically wandered into. He simply shrugs, eats the apple, and then goes back to his comfy armchair to pop a cold one and turn on the game (cue giggles from the high school girls).

In all seriousness, I think it’s safe to say that Man’s primary temptation in the garden was (and still is to this day) a temptation to inaction. It makes perfect sense when considering his Divine calling from God: to be the head of his domestic church by leading his wife and loving her as Christ loved the Church with the sacrifice of his very life’s blood.

But what about Eve?

If Adam’s temptation was to inaction, how did Satan target Eve specifically?

Let’s take a look at what Scripture says:

‘The snake was the most cunning of all the animals that the LORD God had made.

He asked the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You shall not eat from any of the trees in the garden’?” The woman answered the snake: “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden; it is only about the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden that God said,

‘You shall not eat it or even touch it, or else you will die.’”

But the snake said to the woman: “You certainly will not die! God knows well that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened

and you will be like gods, who know good and evil.”

- Genesis 3:1-5 (emphasis mine)

“You will be like gods” – let’s put that in modern lingo.

“You certainly will not die. You will become a boss babe.”

*(cue more giggles from the girls but with more raised eyebrows of surprise this time)*

If we are being honest – and I mean brutally honest – it is intrinsic to our post-fall nature as women to struggle deeply with a desire to control what is not ours to control. At the risk of oversimplifying (I am aware there are many clinical exceptions to this), I am determined to claim the following:

At the root of mild to average-severity cases of anxiety and depression in women, you will find an unhealthy desire to control and micromanage, coming from a place of fear and distrust.

Believe me when I say that is as uncomfortable for me to write as it is for you to read. But let’s look at the positive side of this now. If as women we are daily being tempted by Satan to control, what is our calling then? What is it he is trying to prevent us from doing?

THE VIRTUE OF VULNERABILITY

To answer this, let’s look at both the theology of our bodies and also our soul’s inclination as women. Biologically, our bodies are designed by God to receive and through receiving, give life. Physically, if a woman is not “open” to love, she cannot receive and therefore is unable to bring forth life.

I used the image of a pitcher for the high school girls. In order for a pitcher to fulfill its designed purpose (to pour liquid), it must first receive and hold that liquid which is being provided from an outside source. It doesn’t generate the liquid itself. It MUST receive in order to fulfill its purpose – to pour itself out.

But what happens when we try to control?

Place yourself right now in a place where you were anxious and tempted to control a situation. What do you feel in your body: probably nervousness, elevated heart rate, and an overall sensation of tension.

When we control, we close up and turn in on ourselves. It’s a defense mechanism that can serve us well in crisis situations, but as with anything good, Satan knows how to twist and manipulate.

So many women today are unable to give, because they can’t receive. And they are unable to receive because, through their desire to control, they have become closed off and inaccessible to love and grace. What makes this even more difficult is that their desire to control often comes from a REAL fear of being hurt.

And this is where we find the cure and our call as women: vulnerability.

The desire to control comes fundamentally from a fear of vulnerability.

In his book, The Four Loves, C. S. Lewis touches this deep calling at the heart of every woman in the following way:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

Wow. To quote Jesus’ disciples in John chapter 6, this is a hard saying! Who can accept it?

The answer is that only saints can! It is a truly difficult saying, but in it lies the path to healing for each and every woman. To be clear, this is not a license for women to take abuse, lying down. Rather, this is an invitation for women to step up and recognize the gift God has given them in their femininity. While men absolutely can and should learn vulnerability, I believe there is something inherent to our identity as women that makes us better capable of practicing it.

If in the face of pain and hardship we are able to maintain an openness, a softness, and a vulnerability to God’s work in our lives, there is no limit to the good He can accomplish through us as vessels of His Grace.

MARY’S CALLING – AND OURS!

I recognize this is quite the calling and you may ask: “give me an example of a woman who was able to even come close to fulfilling it!”

While I could easily list off a plethora of female saints, you’ll quickly notice they all seem to be very different (consider the meekness of St. Therese of Lisieux in contrast with the blunt strength of St. Catherine of Siena). Certainly, there is no “one size fits all” for what it is to be a woman, is there?

Oh, but there is! Consider the examples we have amongst the male saints. They too seem to have extreme variations of what masculinity looks like (I’m looking at you, Dominicans and Franciscans!). In the Catholic Church, we call these differences “charisms.”

These are not conflicts within gender but only differences in a person’s unique calling by God. Some women are called to be St. Joan of Arcs, standard bearers to inspire their brothers and sisters on in battle, while others are called to be St. Teresa of Calcuttas, ministering to the poorest of the poor in the hidden holes of 3rd world countries.

We see the epitome of femininity personified, of course, in Mary, the Mother of Jesus. The thing I find the most incredible about Mary is that within her, we see all possible charisms of womanhood! She is the paramount example of what it is to be a woman! She is both the sweet “Cause of our Joy” and also the immovable “Tower of David.” She is the “Golden Rose,” “Mother of Patience,” “One, Most Amiable,” and “One of Fair Love,” while simultaneously being the “Seat of Wisdom,” “Queen of Patriarchs,” and “Crusher of Satan!” She is the “Refuge of Sinners,” “Great Advocate,” “Comforter of the Afflicted,” and “Health of the Sick.”

G. K. Chesterton describes her in his Ballad of the White Horse as an apparition, leading King Alfred’s men into battle. “She was a queen most womanly/but she was a queen of men . . . her eyes were sad, withouten art/and seven swords were in her heart/but one was in her hand!” In Mary, we find every profession, every charism, ever position in life where a woman can be found!

Despite all these different titles, we sense no dissonance. Mary is most certainly all of these. How can that be? Because, before she is all of these things, Mary is vulnerable. She is the “Ark of the Covenant,” the “Sanctuary of the Spirit,” and “the Lord’s Palace.” She is perpetually open, and as such, is the perfect vessel for holding Jesus Christ, incarnate – allowing Him to be poured out from her to all of us.

Before any of these, she is (as you are, ladies) a “Daughter of the Most High!”

Just as in the saintly examples provided, these apparent differences in Mary’s identity do not fundamentally alter the reality. In order for a woman to fulfill her ultimate calling, she must – I repeat, must – remain vulnerable. Because vulnerability equals an openness to the will of God.

When you live out of a place of vulnerable openness, surrendering the temptation to control, you truly magnify the Lord through the unique charism he has given you.

Let vulnerability be your “fiat!”

Let us live in that incredible truth and remain open to receiving His Grace!

Anna Ketterling